HOWEVER, according to Grammarist, the use of weaved in the review was only “questionable.”

Which is a label that can pretty much be applied to everything I do.

Patty, your book is in the mail. Everyone else, get on over to Tate and buy a copy.

Anne Summerton goes

to fetch handsome Jonas Blake!

A Fun YA Tale.

Was that helpful? Okay, so I’ve written a REAL review on Amazon. But here’s the kicker. It not only tells you how I feel about the book, it contains a *grammatical error. I. Am. Awesome. Be the first person to find it and post what it is in the comments, and I’ll send you a FREE copy of the book. I’ve enable the comment approval system so you won’t be able to see them until the contest is over. Let’s say Noon, tomorrow. Click HERE to go to Amazon.

If you win, I’ll mail the book anywhere in the US. If you don’t, buy the darn book anyway!

*I’m thinking of ONE specific error. There are no prizes for finding more than that, Smarty Pants.

UPDATE: The Amazon link says they are out of stock. If you don’t want to order and wait, OR if you want to download as an e-book, go HERE.

]]> http://lisalewistyre.com/2012/01/16/a-review-in-haiku-and-a-contest/feed/ 0 lisatyre fetchingjonasblake http://lisalewistyre.com/2012/01/13/book-booty-calls/ http://lisalewistyre.com/2012/01/13/book-booty-calls/#comments Fri, 13 Jan 2012 20:33:34 +0000 lisatyre http://shewritesforkids.wordpress.com/?p=196 ]]> Well, it’s official, my book is OUT ON SUBMISSION. As in submitted, to a real editor at a real publishing house! My agent, the wonderful and talented Susan Hawk, sent me a list last week of editors she thought might be interested in my book. Fourteen people, at fourteen publishing houses, some of which I had actually heard of! Fourteen people who could make a decision and take a dream that started when I was in third grade and make it a reality. No pressure, people, just read it at your leisure!

As I understand it, once the editors have had time to look it over, Susan will get back in touch with them. And if they don’t like it? I have no idea what happens. I assume she’ll send it to another group, perhaps a bit lesser known, and see if THEY bite. I imagine this process will continue until finally, it’s just my book and some dude in the basement of his mother’s house in Detroit, cranking up his mimeograph machine.

Whatever. At this point, my book is like a little sister I’ve lovingly raised, only to watch her run desperately from person to person, looking for someone, anyone to tell her they love her. If she does find someone willing to put a ring on her finger, I’ll celebrate her great fortune. And if she doesn’t, I’ll pick her up, dust her off and remind her that she was lovingly and wonderfully made. Despite what the literary world says, she was created for a purpose. Her purpose might just involve a mimeograph machine.

The hotly anticipated YA novel Shatter Me, by Tahereh Mafi, hit the shelves on Tuesday and because I’m sick of being the last one to read anything, I bought it. And now you can benefit from my awesome review.

In Haiku, cause that’s how I roll.

Her touch will bring death

In this dystopian tale

Or is it X-men?

Was that helpful? No? Fine, check out more reviews here.

Almost everyone I know hopes to one day write a book, has an idea for a book, or has a half-finished manuscript under the bed just waiting to become a finished book. My friends have a lot to say, obviously. Maybe it’s because the first thing God did was “create” and we’re made in His image, but writing a book is a goal for a lot of people. I don’t know WHY we all want to write, but I know why most of us don’t – time. That’s where NaNoWriMo comes in.

November is National Novel Writing Month, for real. There’s a website and everything. The goal is to complete a 50,000 word manuscript in 30 days. Think it’s crazy? NaNoWriMo began in 1999 with 21 participants. Last year there were over 200,000! It’s become such a phenomenon that I was told not to query agents in December because their in-boxes are full from just-finished NaNoWriMo manuscripts.

NaNoWriMo is perfect for people who need a deadline, a goal, or to be with other crazy people doing the same thing for encouragement. It’s free to participate, and if you complete the goal, you WIN. Not a prize or anything, but you don’t become a Mary Faulker by sweating the small stuff.

MARY FAULKNER (1903-1973) 904 books

South African writer Mrs. Mary Faulkner, whom the Guinness Book of World Records ranks as history’s most prolific novelist, wrote under six pen names, including Kathleen Lindsay. Her novels include There Is No Yesterday, Wind of Desire, and Harvest of Deceit.

Sign up! Besides Thanksgiving, what else does November have to offer?

Whatever. Someone sent me a list of Analogies and I thought I’d share. My favorite is number four. Enjoy!

World’s Funniest Analogies.

–Annual English Teachers’ awards for best student metaphors/analogies
found in actual student papers:

–His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

–He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at
high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one
of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn’t.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at
4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East
River.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law George. But unlike George,
this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
for a while.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
she were a garbage truck backing up

Yeah, she LOOKS nice, but I gave her one job. ONE job – make sure I don’t get overly excited and drink too much wine the night before. I guess she couldn’t know that one glass is too much for some people.

The Harriette Austin Writers Conference is held in Athens, Georgia so we drove up the night before and stayed with Patty’s daughter. We wanted to be there bright and early on Friday morning so we wouldn’t miss anything. Friday is the day they hold workshops and we had four from which to choose -

Developing Character with Patrick LoBrutto (Been there/done that)

Everything You Need to Know about Getting an Agent  (Patty’s choice)

The Legal Aspects of Writing (Who needs that? I’m sure they’re all wonderful, trustworthy people)

How to Write Suspense Fiction(Why not?)

My class was taught by New York Times bestselling author – John Gilstrap

He gave us actual WORK to do. Like writing a thrilling scene involving either a woman walking into a dark house, or a 13-year-old boy exiting a bar and lighting a cigarette. While the rest of the class scribbled furiously for twenty minutes, I stared at my blank sheet of paper thinking, “Wha?” and “Why?”

I did manage to write some clichéd yuckiness about “the dark house daring her to come in” that I wouldn’t have read out loud if my life depended on it.

This was about the time I realized that writing a thriller may not be in my near future.

To save face, I explained to the man behind me that I’d had too much wine and wasn’t thinking clearly. And he explained that he was a Presbyterian minister writing a thriller ala Father Dowling. Awesome.

After a day of THAT, we had dinner and went to a reception where we got to mingle with other agents, writers, editors, etc. Patty was having a critique the next day and we ran into her evaluator. Who looked EXACTLY like Maxine. Minus the friendliness.

But we refused to let it damper our spirits. Especially when there were celebrities to meet.

Yes, that’s me with THE Harriette Austin. She was thrilled to meet us. No, really. I took that cold glass out of her hand because she was freezing, and Patty actually rubbed her hands to get them warm.

We are not above sucking up, obviously.

The next day I took classes on Branding and Social Media, The Three-Part Story Arc, and Inspirational Writing. Patty took a class about Historical Research and then had her evaluation where she charmed Maxine as I always knew she would.

We also enjoyed a Keynote Address from Mr. John Gilstrap.

He explained that the average advance for a first novel is $5,000 dollars but he was offered $250,000 for his and a two-book deal but his agent turned it DOWN because she knew they could do better. This is the point where I realized writing a thriller was TOTALLY in my near future.

Writers Conferences are very inspiring.

Can I just tell you how scary this was? Meeting new people, sharing my writing, acting as if this was anything more than a ridiculous dream? It didn’t help that this was my “Sue Grafton” period and I was working on a mystery novel about a 92-year-old woman named Granny Chickens who was arrested when her chicken cleaning knife was found next to a dead body in the trailer park.

They kept me around for entertainment purposes, obviously.

Anyway, we’ve met off and on for the past TWENTY years. There were a few “gaps” as people changed jobs, got married, had kids, gave up on writing, got back into writing – okay, that was just me. But the point is – I would have never finished The Junkman’s Daughter without them.

Deborah and I discussing DNA testing, CIA agents and 50-year-old virgins.

The group has changed somewhat over the years. In the beginning, we would meet and read each other’s work. Later, we started emailing our drafts so we could have more time to talk. Now we want to WORK. Last week I drove to Deborah’s house and we held a mini-workshop. We talked about new projects, spent about five hours hashing out plot points, character development, surprise endings and dispensing sage advice like – “No one wants to read about ugly, overweight country people having sex with their half-brother.” You can’t reach that kind of insight on your own.

One of our goals for the next meeting is to create a storyboard –a plot outline with photos. Since my main character is a 17-year-old hottie who’s super fit – I spent the afternoon searching the internet for “male models”.

I’ve learned so much since Granny Chickens.

Harriette Austin Writers Conference starts on Friday. Have you registered?

When I received the first correspondence from my agent, Susan Hawk, I read through the seven pages of revisions she’d suggested and took a deep breath. I was pretty sure I could do it all and in a timely manner. It helped that I agreed with her suggestions and that they hadn’t included anything too extensive like killing off two of the main four characters. Whew. I finished the revisions and sent them back within the three month deadline I’d given myself. I did ASK if she wanted it in a particular timeframe but she’d declined to give me one. So three months it was.

Then – I got a very nice email.

Hi Lisa,

Just wanted to let you know that I finally have responses from all the readers and it’s unanimous – your book is a total joy to read!  Everyone has really enjoyed it.  There are some places that need a little tightening, and some questions that I have for you, but I think you’ve done the major re-work.  So, many thanks for the good, hard work you’ve done so far.  I will have a letter detailing the remaining issues for you by end of next week.

A few days later, I got a second letter. This was different in that Susan had gone through my entire manuscript and made proofreading notes, as well as line edits. Thinks like [tighten] and [this passage is confusing]. So I began my second round of revision. This one took much less time – about three weeks. Again, I agreed with my agent and felt like the changes made the book stronger. Then I emailed it back to her and waited.

Hi Lisa,

Just checking in with you.  I’ve finished your revise and it was a total pleasure to read!  It’s always been that way of course, but testament to your writing the great changes that you’ve made that I find it even more so now.  I do have some line edits, and I’m pulling that together for you, but in the meantime – thank you!

More soon, Susan

Now I’m on revision number three. Because agents/publishers/editors go on vacation during the summer, I’ve got a bit of leeway until I send it back. Our goal is to have it done, polished, perfected, and sent out by September. Which is why this summer will now be known as the “Summer of Constant Prayer.”

So, where are YOU in the process?

Greatest writers conference in the SE of the US and one of the best in the US total. 17 years this conference has taken place bringing in hundreds of agents, editors, publisher reps, and hundreds more established to beginning writers. All of them to share and learn from each other in Athens, Georgia.

This is a favorite for me, because it’s where I went two years ago and got great feedback from my manuscript critique. It’s where the agent told me to start sending out queries. It’s where I met some awesome agents, editors and writers. It’s where I drank one glass of wine too many and woke up with a terrible hangover. You might want to leave off that last part when you go.

And go you should! Mary Kole, an agent from Andrea Brown Literary Agency, will be there and she’s awesome. Also speaking will be author Evelyn Coleman who is informative and super entertaining.

If I hadn’t gone, I probably wouldn’t have sent out queries and found my agent. And if it can happen for me, it can happen for anybody. Seriously.

I’m heading up early Friday morning and spending the night. I’d love to see you there!